Tuesday, November 3, 2009

I was just TOO young.

It's not uncommon in the LDS culture to start marriage and family life at 19. It's almost frowned upon to still be single at 25 and if you reach 30 and havn't yet found your eternal companion then, my goodness, there must be something wrong with you! The trouble with this mentality is, it pushes many of us to jump into "grown up" life more quickly than, maybe, we are ready for. I'm not suggesting we lay around acting like a lazy teenager but as we move through our journey on earth, we shouldn't be in such a hurry to get to the next step.
I found myself, at 19, with my first baby, encouraging him to sit and then he walked at 10 months old. Just yesterday I heard on the radio a commercial for "hooked on phonics" by a lady with a 2 year old. Is she expecting him to read the instructions to putting on his diaper?
I digress, I have a point and pictures:)
As I've watched each of my babies grow up, some to full size and ability, I realized I have celebrated each mile stone and happily moved on, knowing that each life goal is accomplished. Now that I am old ( another LDS cultural myth, is that 38 is flippin' old) I cherish every step my kids take in there mortal journey and I wish I had put more value on them 10 years ago.
The first day of school was a huge woohoo, mum gets some ME time!
The first award was a pat on the back for me and bragging rights.
Good grades were just expected.
Playing an instrument was the norm and a sick kid messed with my plans for the day.
Now as I watch my last baby move through her milestones, I have this wrench in my heart. My kids don't need me as much.
It started out joyful,
No more night feeds, No more diapers, no more preschool.
Going to school meant being alone all day.
but now it has hit me :(
Almost too big to sit on your lap.
Too heavy to carry.

Our baby turned 8 and was baptized. My last one.
So I'm sad as a Mum, but happy as a mum.
I think I was too young when I started my family. I have matured into my role as a Mum and my Heavenly Father's plan for me. Now I get it and think I might've missed out on some special moments as I checked each milestone off my list of expectations.

Note to self, busy Mum/scrapbooker, needs to assign someone to take pictures of special occasions!

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