Wednesday, September 1, 2010

The old me.

Every once in while, my old self appears it's ugly, judgmental, all knowing face, in an effort to better the world with my truth telling mouth. Today, I leave all my positive, see the light and love of all things furry, as I share with you my, not humble at all, opinion on modesty and clothes of our time.
Having recently returned from my faboosh trip to Cali, I found myself humming the song "California girls, they're undeniable..." Undeniably the worst wearers of daisy dukes I've ever seen. I have quipped and complained my fair share about why on earth, I'm the only one on the beach in knee length shorts and a t.shirt at 90 degrees, when trust me, I could totally rock the little white skirt with a boobtube and cowboy hat, yet the term "modesty" comes to my mind. It always felt like a rule I wasn't convinced on but now I have started to see this more as for our own protection. I don't mean I stay covered to protect some sado, perv from checking out my hotness (I told you this was Un humble, not a word...correction,for my Mum ;-) lacking in humility)But to protect my eyes from having to see someone else s nasty varicose veins and cellulite legs.
Clisty commented that the only people who look good in daisy dukes, are 19 year old boys and I have to agree, I saw one!! No Joke. Yet this seems to be the flavor of the month in style. Have mercy. I cannot tell you how many people I saw that would've been stunning in a longer short but that opted for the DD. While I'm on the subject of latest styles and my inner B... juices are flowing, I need to give my honest opinion on "Designer" jeans and the boutique.
Having been blessed from birth, or so all the boys told me, with a ghetto booty, (that is, large butt, small waist) sister got back, junk in the trunk, however you refer to it, It has been a beast, trying to find jeans that fit. They always have a huge gaping flap in the back, that is useful for smuggling popcorn into the theater but not much else. So I went in search of "designer jeans".
This term used to mean, you got a jean made carefully by a quality designer that actually worked with people and didn't just order in a job lot from south America, made by 5 year olds. The result, was a fab pair of jeans that cost an arm and a leg but not as much as the 5 pairs combined you have hanging that don't fit. (When I say fit, I mean the fit that would have an ex boyfriend weeping at the thought of having overlooked you for the blond who now wears DD's and a boob tube and just shouldn't.)So hear I am after my first beautiful experience, a size or so smaller and in need of new jeans. The term boyfriend jean, could best describe mine since they would probably fit Boyd (my Boyfriend)
So my complaint. Now ALL the stores sell "designer jeans" only they are not, they are just name brands with huge price tags, probably shipped from South America and fit just as crappy as the jeans you could buy at any walmart. To add to my complaining they are all covered in pockets and studs that say, "hey look at my butt, flattened and sausaged into these jeans I paid too much for, in an attempt to look awesome and unique, except don't notice they are the same as my neighbors". I can't tell you how often I see gorgeous girls in ill fitting jeans that they paid a fortune for.
Now onto the boutique. It used to be a small store that had one of a kind clothes. You went there because you were guaranteed that whatever you found in your size, was not replicated in any other size or color, again, warranting the higher price tag. Today the boutique is a slew of angel wings studs and rhinestones which, as adorable and cute as they are, all start to look the same, therefore making all people wearing them lemmings (I confess I have one, appropriate when riding a Harley, me thinks.)
So why does this frustrate me so?
After all, I really have detached from caring two hoots about what anyone else is wearing (you will notice this if you see my kids around)but it leaves me high and dry when I am trying to find new clothes that look good, stylish, cover everything, make me feel good and age appropriate ( yes I'm referring to you, 45 year old in skin tight angel t.shirt and hoodie with jeans with thick white stitching)
that also is a hazard to my eyes. I can't tell you how many sales assistants have told me I should wear the stuff made and marketed for teens but I'm not ready to step into the Relief Society box jacket either.
Such a dilemma.

Case in point, someone who could benefit from some modesty or I'm not talking about Boyd, look harder. It hurts my eyes so.

Ok I'm done. Back to my bright sprightly self. Hope you all have a fantabulous day.


ClistyB said...

I just love you!
Have you seen ? Their jeans leave a bit to be desired, but the rest is great. It's sold kind of like Avon. I've worn all my pieces for years.

Kristen and Co. said...

Nat- thanks for the entertainment. Spot on. Have a great day!

The Blackham3 said...

I am sorry if you have ever had to see my veins and celluite..... :)

Lisa and Kate said...

You sure that wasn't me in that picture?? :) I could almost pass. We all wish we had your amazing bod!!! In the meantime, I will try to keep it covered. Looking for one of those black and white full body swim suits from the 1920's for our trip to CA next month. If you see one...

Fresh DPS Ltd said...

Great story, made me chuckle out loud, going to see if I still have my shell suit and if I can still fit in it.

Julie said...

I hope all is well now that you are back in your home. I am curious what your evacuation was like--what you were able to take, etc.

Thanks for blogging. I left a blog award on my blog for you. :)